Flipping off the news, and reality itself

2000px-multiverse_-_level_ii-svg

And tonight’s recap:  Universes 1-3 are worth $900, 4-5, $3500 and 6 is worth 50 cents.  Apparently 6 is the soda can universe.  Where we are living is worthless, because we already screwed it up.

Folks, this is one of those days where I just want to kick back and relax and tinker with nature.  I believe I’ve discovered a way to turn my remote control into an alternate-reality transport device, so it’s time to see if this works.  All I have to do is press “swap” to shift realities.

(Flipping on the TV to CNN)

We interrupt this election coverage for a special bulletin….

(swap)

The United States of America has announced that all cats and dogs will be submitted for random drug screenings.  Apparently, household pets are now being used as drug mules, with the most common narcotic being smuggled…

(swap)

Out of the universe, using the longest the blast of hydrogen possible.  Once these molecules merged together, they created a completely new set of heavenly bodies.  Some of these coalesced into…

(swap)

Hillary Clinton’s skin mole, which appears to be changing shape with each passing day.  Doctors confirmed today’s recorded image to closely resemble…

(swap)

Walker County, Georgia Commissioner Bebe Heiskell.  Commissioner Heiskell is running on the independent ticket, claiming that another term of her government will yield…

(swap)

Untold destruction and devastation as Russian President Vladimir Putin orders all Russians to bomb shelters designed to withstand just about any weapon NATO could throw at it, but specifically designed to deflect…

(swap)

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s attorneys, who relayed their demands for media scrutiny over their alleged robbery in Paris to cease.  The Hollywood Power couple have stated repeatedly the perpetrators were working for…

(swap)

Operatives of Donald Trump, and are engaged in damage control from the Republican nominee’s latest round of disparaging statements about women, most specifically those who worked while…

(swap)

Fox News Anchor Shepard Smith repeatedly declared that anyone in the path of Hurricane Matthew would die, especially…

(swap)

The Board of County Commissioners of Sumter County, Georgia, who have been discussing ways to better improve funding to law enforcement.  Commissioner Randy Howard is believed to be in full support of…

(swap)

Continued weather reports and traffic updates at the top and bottom of every hour, with breaking news as it happens.  This is Atlanta’s 24 hour news station…

(swap)

Where you can hear all the latest sports talk, including the latest news about the American League playoffs, where the Cleveland Indians appear to be making a run to the World Series.

(looking around) – Wow, I’m back where I started.  Guess I’ll be putting on another episode of Spongebob and taking a long nap.  Maybe read a little Dave Barry while I’m at it and see just how much of his work this blog ripped off.

Note:  the article is satirical in nature and it completely reflects the views and opinions of the website owner.  If you don’t like it, you don’t have to read it.

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