Random thoughts over coffee – be afraid

men-in-black-1997-01-g

I could SOOOO use one of these right now!

I’m sitting at my computer drinking my highly caffeinated product, and I am just gonna let the brain flow.  Have a towel ready; this could get really messy…

  • The more I watch the previews for Deadpool, the more I actually want to see it.
  • Why do I feel like once I get my degree, the last 25 years of trying to finish college will suddenly seem like a really long time in a low-powered microwave?
  • “Manbuns” are just not cool.
  • Putting the mouthpiece end of the lid on the seam of a Starbucks cup should be grounds for immediate public flogging.
  • I owned an Iphone at one time. Lost my temper.  It got shattered.  No more Iphone.
  • Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow I will be buying Cheerwine and Crown Royal, and then I’ll be really merry.
  • I’m not that cheap a drunk, but I’m pretty freaking close. Ask anyone who seen me drinking Jack Daniels.
  • My ego is the cause of over half my problems with life, and 99.9999999999999 percent of problems with women. The remaining .0000000000001 (and yes, I fingered counted the 9’s) is the result of a congenital inability to relate to anything which produces mass quantities of estrogen.
  • I’m getting really tired of hearing “dude” in casual conversation.
  • George Martin died, not George R.R. Martin – important distinction. One helped produce the Beatles, the other helped produce yet another Sean Bean death.
  • If the catchiest presidential slogan we can cook up is about feeling some guy from Vermont, we are in really big trouble!
  • Memo to Americus, Georgia (best Denis Leary voice): quit putting shit in the election coffee!
  • I should be drunk but I’m writing. Actually, that’s a great reason to be drunk.
  • The Most Interesting Man in the World got shitcanned by Dos Equis. Well, I’m no longer thirsty for that beer.
  • Bold prediction – the next big medical growth industry will be direct-line liquid Viagra. I can’t wait to see who lines up for that gig!
  • Sure sign women truly rule the world – the rebooted Ghostbusters is on the way and the trailers all heavily feature Chris Hemsworth, who plays – wait for it – the secretary.
  • Advice to any guy looking to win a girl’s heart – don’t bother, they’re all to busy watching Chris Hemsworth! You’re better off taking a long walk, jumping in a cold pond, and fantasizing about Supergirl…or Zoey Daschanel.
  • Or Kat Denning.
  • And for the record, vampires don’t sparkle, Donald Trump is racist, and there’s no such thing as Men In Black.
  • There! I’m done.  Feel free to call me a jackass, idiot, moron, dickhead, putz, whatever tickles your fancy.

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