As my mind continues to wander (dammit, a snake! I hate snakes!) It’s time for yet another mashup of epic science-fiction-adventure proportions. Today, however, I have decided to go a very different route and wonder what would happen if Marcus and Mike from Bad Boys II were the ones piloting the Tie-Fighter escaping the Star Destroyer in Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Best way to think about this is take Wil Smith, make him Poe, and Martin Lawrence, and make him Finn. Yes, it’s that ridiculous.
Poe and Finn sneak onto the flight deck of the Star Destroyer. Captain Phasma and her storm troopers are searching the ship for the duo.
POE: Can you fly this?
FINN: I think so…
POE: What da? You THINK so?
FINN: I usually do garbage detail.
POE: What? WHAT? All this time I’ve been thinking you’re some badass pilot, and you just a janitor?
FINN: I take offense to that.
POE: And I take offense to you misrepresenting yourself. Now I’m gonna’ hafta’ fly that POS! C’mon, and let’s get in that Tie Fighter!
Poe and Finn squeeze themselves into the fighter. Naturally, due to their extended height, it’s a bit of a tight fit.
FINN: K, let’s see here. Docking latches, check. Main engines, check. Main blasters check.
POE: What the hell you doin?”
FINN: Pre flight checklist.
POE: Are you out of your damned mind? We’re stealing a damned Tie Fighter! Just turn on the engine and blast some shit!
FINN: Okay. *activates blasters* Wait, you gotta fly this.
Poe accelerates the fighter, which is held in place by a tether. Phasma notices the commotion and gets her troopers ready to shoot at them.
FINN (Waves his First Order helmet): Don’t shoot, don’t shoot!
POE: What??? You’re waving your helmet? They’re trying to kill us! SHOOT THEM!
FINN can’t figure out the controls, POE hit the override and starts blasting away, blowing up several ships and turrets, sending parts and troopers flying everywhere.
POE: NOW show them your helmet.
POE manages to blast off the tether and fly the fighter into space, followed by several First Order fighters. FINN notices they are blasting away.
FINN: They’re shooting at us, Poe!
POE: Oh really? What was your first fucking clue?
POE begins to fly the fighter, yelling at FINN: What the fuck are you waiting for? Shoot, shoot!
FINN: I’m trying to hit them, let them live a little. They just keep flying all over the place.
POE: Well, you keep shooting so I can dodge these motherfuckers! *ship explodes right in front of them* WHOA!!!!
FINN: You see that shit? Holy shit!
POE: Whoa that’ll pucker up your butthole!
FINN: Damn near took us out. Okay, let’s take out that turret. *shoots sideways, hits a tie fighter which glances off theirs.
POE: What the hell you doing?
FINN: That was my bad!
POE: Keep your eyes on what you’re doin!
FINN: Just trying to help out.
POE: You know what’d help me out? Just shut the fuck up and let me fly, how bout you do that???
They both notice Starkiller base powering up and shooting its death ray at several planets, incinerating them.
FINN: You see that?
POE: They blowing up planets! How do I NOT see that?
I MIGHT continue this one!