My take on true love: buckle up!!!

If I witness one more comment fawning over the love stories of Twilight and the Hunger Games, I’m gonna vomit.  These are great stories, but true love is way crazier and often far far harsher on the heart.  Those of us who do believe in it, despite being hurt and watching our hearts be turned into crushed puree, will understand as I break down some things about this touchy topic.  This my opinion so take it for what it’s worth.

This where it gets down and dirty, folks.  True love is not sonnets and flowers.  It’s downright painful and hard.  It requires us to dig deeper than we thought possible, and part ways with who we thought we were.  Illusions get shattered, dreams are dashed, and hopes are crushed.  Of course that’s on a good day.  Still, true love has qualities to it which cannot be ignored, lest we be foolish mortals.

It requires we die a little.   Not literally, but as a figure of speech.  We allow the old us to perish, to step into the abyss, and emerge a new person.  This is done by choice to save ourselves from the madness.  When we finish that leg our journey, loving ourselves is the next step.

True love is unconditional. Unconditional love calls for us to accept someone at face value, warts and all.  They could be wonderful on the outside, or ugly, or average.  It’s not the exterior, but the interior which completely seals the deal.

It rarely happens clean or easy. If you think true love is a puppy and kitten fest, you’ve watched way too many Hallmark movies.  Real true love is sloppy, complicated, messy and rugged.  It is about tears, rejection and pain.  It’s about one side not being ready, maybe never being ready.   But it’s also about hope being eternal, and knowing that things always happen for a reason, no matter how painful. It’s about the eternal sacrifice of allowing yourself to go to hell to let your true love get to heaven.

True love waits its turn.  Even if that turn never comes around, it waits.  The ember never truly dies.  As much as some may wish it did, it can’t.  It’s beyond counter-intuitive, it’s simply against our DNA.

When you feel true love, it shouldn’t hurt…bullshit!!! What romance novelist cooked up that that crap?????  True love hurts and it hurts bad.  It opens your heart, which hurts.  It opens your soul, which hurts.  It forces accountability for who you are, which really hurts, and it demolishes your ego which hurts most of all.  The future is born in pain. 

Most people are not equipped to handle true love.  This, sadly. is the case.  Preconceived notions, childhood pain, self confidence problems, even physical violations can rob someone of the ability to feel it.  IT’S JUST TOO INTENSE. Pray for them.  Forgive yourself for being angry, love them unconditionally.

It requires a level of enlightenment. Only partially true.  To truly love someone, the basic enlightenment of loving yourself is what is necessary.  Most relationships are a combination of lust and romance … Highly conditional.  True love has no such mandate.

You won’t get angry when it’s true love.   Whatever!!!!!  Of course you get angry!  Your true love will probably piss you off ten ways from Sunday.  You may even stop talking to them for days, weeks, months, even years at a time.  The draw remains and you both are ultimately pulled back into each others orbit.  This is where one aspect of true love escapes so many.  It is molecular...you cannot deny it or prevent it.

The universe does conspire when the time is right.  You ever hear a story about someone who loved a person, had their hopes dashed, only to have a person eerily similar or that same person finally admit their feelings in return years later?  That happens to those who believe.  It’s not a coincidence.  True love brings people together on the universes schedule, not ours.  Sometimes this life isn’t on that schedule.  Sad, but true.  it’s a lesson that we have so little control.

If you do A B and C, you……NO WAY!!!   Bringing your true love to you is about timing and being good with you.  That’s it, end of story.  There is nothing else to it.  Be authentic, love yourself and it eventually happens.  By the way,it almost ALWAYS when you’ve given up.

Believing in true love, especially for men, gets more difficult with age.  It’s what it is.  If you are a male over 40 and still believe in true love, count yourself among us privileged few.  We truly are mythical creatures.

So I’ll say this now that it’s all out there.  I have no clue who my true love is.  I’ve had my suspicions, but I could be wrong, and likely am.  The only thing I can do is focus on myself, love myself and be the be the best man I can be to myself and for those I love most.  When the time is right, should the universe choose, I will burn brighter than beacon on a shore and that person, whoever she is, won’t be able miss me.  If it’s not meant to happen, I’ll forgive and keep going, because that’s what true love does.  That’s its true power.

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