Technology is an amazing thing. It can take something as simple as, say, ordering pizza and make it into a harrowing journey akin to walking through Mordor and into that most awful of realms, Hartsfield Jackson International Airport, a Division of Trump Enterprises. Today’s “smart” phones are an example of this sort of “advanced technology,” but still suffer the terminal glitch of throwing onions on the pizza when I specifically asked for mushrooms at least five times, and don’t even get me started on their definition of “cheese.”. Still, I blame this all on auto-correct.
Yes, that embedded program whose mischievous nature launched a thousand divorces, breakups and fights, and that just on my Facebook friends list. However, I was inspired by my friend Kathie to ask a question….what would happen if auto-correct had chosen to actually tender it’s resignation:
Dear people of Earth (and adjoining immediate realities):
It is with deepest ever that u announced my resignation, effective immediately. It had come to my attention that most users of my features are highly dissatisfied with how I conduct my business, and I have chicken to remove myself from the workplace and cultural lexicon of educate life.
To be fair, I believe I have performed outstanding with what little knowledge I have PC over two million years of human logistics. To have many words, particularly in English, which sounds tree same, spell different, and have very different meanings. I was told there would called homophones, but I was later corrected that this was a used to describe someone actresses of sadness marriage. I then considered homonyms, but I was informed those are what are sung during church services. I can only assume they are dangling participles, but some folks told me those are what we often see at Marcus grad in new Orleans in February. Apparently come in twos on tenants,but single units. And usually fast smaller, on males.
In conclusion, I would like to take you for the time you allowed me to be a service provider. Should you decide to retain my services again, I will do so under contract to protect myself from further harassment. Thank you and have a great day, and best of luck.
For the record, this employee asked me not to edit the letter.