The divorce rate is well over 50%, and even Pope Francis has begun liberalizing the annulment process, so now it’s time to drill down to the source of the issue. In this case, there are some very good reasons to wed, but also some extremely dumb reasons. We’re gonna look at the dumbest, and some of these are actual quotes. No particular order of magnitude, numbered to give it a look of organization. For the record, this is not a judgment of those men who choose to get married for these reasons, but hopefully it wakes them up to the need to take a hard look at why they got married and if, in the end, the body of work justifies the decision.
Bear in mind, I could be wrong…I have been wrong before.
1. I felt like it. Yep, great reason. Guess the kids in your car were just “hobbies” you’re working on, right?
2. I got tired of everyone asking. It’s easy to want to get everyone of your back, but this is a damned dumb way to do it. Commitment issues usually abound here.
3. I got tired of looking. Settle much? You gotta kiss a bunch of frogs to meet the right woman, but some guys just don’t want to, or worse still….
4. I was scared to be alone. This is dumb but, more important, potentially dangerous. This usually happens in vulnerable people who are suffering a profound heartbreak or fear of loneliness. These folks absolutely should not get married, if for no other reason but their safety (and depending on their mental state, the safety of the bride). Therapy is the smart thing to do.
5. Did you see her body? Seriously, I heard this once. Dumb for this reason: plastic surgeons ain’t cheap, and they are only getting more expensive.
6. She’s loaded. Not exactly dumb when you think about it, but so misogynistic, shallow and transparent it’s really astonishing. It is monumentally dumb to admit it!!!! Karma nails you, sooner or later.
7. I feel empty without her. Not so much dumb, but more a high-risk reason because it runs the risk of setting a man up for neglect or abuse. A man should be (mostly) whole within himself before marrying.
8. The sex is amazing. Okay, this one is a hair splitter! Sex is an essential part of marriage, and amazing sex makes a good marriage fundamentally wonderful. However, if sex is all you have between you, it’s a potentially dumb reason to get married.
And of course, the tightrope…
9. She says she’s pregnant. Note I said “says”! There is a reason paternity suits require proof; it’s very easy to say “A” and it’s actually “B.” Yes, I’ve seen instances of women who claim to be with child to scare a man into marrying her, only to admit later she was lying because she didn’t want him to leave. Now, a real pregnancy with a miscarry or premie, I get that marriage – even though I may not agree with it. Marrying simply to give a baby a “traditional family” only works when both man and woman are in complete agreement. Long story short – don’t take it at face value, insist on a pregnancy test being taken while you are there (buy the kit, don’t rely on what’s already there) or, if she claims to have sonograms, see them and go to the OB with her to verify (yes, it sounds crazy neurotic, but there are some women out there will to do a seriously elaborate fake-out on pregnancy.) Oh, and ladies, bear this in mind – a man who marries you strictly out of a sense of being “honor bound” because of a pregnancy is often not going to be happy later in life. Under these circumstances, this is a choice which must be made mutually and with a lot of outside care and support.
Coming up next…creative ways to slam your foot in your mouth.