Five Man Fails


This week has seen men behaving badly, foolishly, and like complete morons.  We have been programmed to be more in touch with our feminine side, but that misses the mark as well.  What we, as men, should be searching for is the essential things which define our gender.  That said, here are five “Man Fails” we need to be looking out for – those things we all do which make us look like either idiots, slimebags, or just unattractive fools, and give the lot of us a bad name.


1.  Oppositional-Defiant Dirt Fail

Fail Definition:  Do not confuse this ManFail with Misophobia, a legimate psychological fear of contamination.  ODDF is, simply put in the most objectionable manner possible, the “Pretty Boy Fail.”  This is the sort of behavior you see when a man does not want to get his hands dirty for any reason whatsoever. 

Why it is a Man Fail:  A man should be willing to get his hands dirty, both figuratively and literally, unless there is direct risk to life and limb.  Changing a tire, cleaning a clogged drain, planting and tending a garden (or a farm), and painting should never be beyond a man’s wheelhouse.

2.  Lazy Chauvinism Fail

Fail Definition:  Two words – “Women’s Work.”  This is the sort of fail you see when a man says “I have a girlfriend/wife for that.”  This is the epitome of laziness, and the sort of behavior a man should never allow himself to engage in.

Why it is a Man Fail:  Does any man want to be a servant?  No?  Then why expect a significant other to the do the same?  Mommy issues aside, any man should be able to do their laundry (or be willing to pay someone to do it), or cook for themselves (yes, cooking food over an open fire counts!).  As for child care and diapers, here’s a thought – if you can make the baby, you can change the diaper!

3.  Lack of Area Knowledge Fail

Fail Definition:  This is aimed at the arena of intimacy.  This is all about knowing your significant other’s body and mind.  Call it the “Are You Paying Attention?” Fail.  If you can’t remember your significant other’s birthday or, at the very least birth month, you are guilty of this fail!

Why it is a Man Fail:  Let’s face, guys!  We all forget a birthday or anniversary or special date, or even fail to notice when she buys that new dress or change her hair color.  It happens once in a while – take your lumps and learn from it.  It’s when you notice that tattoo on her arm that’s been there for four months and suddenly say “Hey honey, when did you get that?” or forget your anniversary date every year for three straight years – that’s a biggie!

4.  Creative Slacking Fail

Fail Definition:  Ever hear the saying “he works real hard at doing nothing?”  That’s what this fail is.  You see a guy going out of his way to avoid doing any sort of work, trying to better himself, cleaning the house, or doing something as basic and flushing the toilet.

Why it is a Man Fail:  You expect a child or teenager to slack off, but a grown man?  Unless you are smoking enough pot to keep Hostess in business all by yourself, this should not be happening regularly.  Get off your ass, go out with her, do the dishes, clean the bathroom, go back to school.  It’s simple:  get off the effing Playstation or Xbox, and move your damned body!

5.  Justifiable Non-Accountability Fail

Fail Definition:  This is, perhaps, the most idious fail of all.  This is the one where you look for every reason in the book to justify not just all preceding fails, but anything you have done wrong in your entire life, and blaming everyone else for it.  This is the “it’s not my fault” fail.

Why it is a Man Fail:  This one speaks for itself, but since some of us males are completely oblivious, here is the essential reason – if you are a grown man, you should be willing to be held accountable.  Yes, we all make mistakes; we should take our lumps for it.  You are respectable when you say “yep, you’re right!  I screwed up!”  When you try to turn it around and say “but you could have…” or “you should have…” you are now in on the bottom of the barrel.


We are all guilty of these fails from time to time, even if our core nature runs contrary to it.  We’re human, guys, which means we are imperfect.  But the most important thing to remember is that, if we pay attention to our fails, we can prevent them or, at the very least, atone for them.  When we hold ourselves accountable, we are more attractive.

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